1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2–12 Author: Visit Amazon's Thomas W. Phelan Page | Language: English | ISBN:
1889140430 | Format: EPUB
1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2–12 Description
Review
"An excellent, workable, and supportive resource for parents and educators." —Booklist
About the Author
Thomas W. Phelan, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and a nationally renowned expert on child discipline and attention deficit disorder. His books include 1-2-3 Magic for Teachers, All About Attention Deficit Disorder,and Surviving Your Adolescents. He lives in Glen Ellyn, Illinois.
- Series: 123 Magic
- Paperback: 224 pages
- Publisher: Parentmagic, Inc.; 4th edition (October 1, 2010)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1889140430
- ISBN-13: 978-1889140438
- Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6 x 0.5 inches
- Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
My son will be 12 in a couple of weks and he still instantly reponds whenever he sees a my index finger. I first read this book and put it into action when my son was probably between 4 and 5 years old.
My wife never read this book but saw the amazing results I was getting and I soon heard her saying "one... two...". Neither one of us has gotten to "three" since establishing the 'baseline' when we first started using this system.
Here's basically how we put it to work: When our boy misbehaved I held up one finger and said "one". He had a second chance "two" but at three he got an instant 5 minute time out.
My son found those 5 minutes excrutiating and figured out VERY quickly that:
1. He received consistantly INSTANT punishment at "three".
2. His punishment time was extended for "bad behavior" while in time out.
3. Most importantly, he figured out he had the ability to avoid any consequences by modifying his behavior.
Fast forward 8 or so years to the present. My son has never been spanked or otherwise punished physically. He just got another straight A report card - his usual since he started school. The comment I hear most often from his teachers is that he is a "joy" in the classroom. He's polite and kind and no pushover either: he just earned a second level karate black belt.
I could go on for an hour but needless to say he's turning out to be an amazing person.
I still use the system but nowadays it's usually discreet flash of a "one" or perhaps a "two" to let him know a course change is recommended.
As a public school teacher and a mother (2 preschoolers and an infant), I struggled with this book. While I find some incredibly valuable principles in the 1-2-3 Magic system, there are several underlying assumptions (some of which are stressed repeatedly by the author) that don't sit well with me at all.
WHAT I DIDN'T LIKE
-Dr. Phelan describes 3 major parenting jobs: 1. Controlling obnoxious behavior, 2. Encouraging good behavior, and 3. Strengthening the parent-child relationship. This feels backwards. It seems to me that these three jobs ought to be prioritized and implemented in reverse order, because a child who feels loved and secure will naturally exhibit less obnoxious behavior.
-Dr. Phelan repeatedly warns parents against thinking of children as "little adults" who will act cooperatively if they have the proper information and sound reasoning, but instead suggests visualizing ourselves as "wild animal trainers." (Are adults all predisposed to cooperation based simply on years??) I will readily admit that my home sometimes sounds like a zoo. However, my children (even at ages 2 and 4) demonstrate to me over and over again the depth and beauty of their spirits, and the complexity of their thoughts and emotions. I want to foster an environment in which my children know that their feelings matter to me, and in which respect grows out of love and trust rather than effective crowd control.
-In an attempt to keep things light and humorous, Dr. Phelan's directions to parents sometimes come across as condescending. For instance, he describes a scenario in which "dad asked the world's dumbest question, 'What's going on in here?'" Levity can be achieved without resorting to insults and sweeping generalizations.
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